Monthly Archives: June 2014

THE CHALLENGE OF TEENAGERS

Last week I wrote about communicating with your teenager and the challenge it can present to parents. This week I am proposing a challenge for parents! The aha moment for many parents is realizing that their teenager no longer wants to be treated and spoken to the same way they were when they were younger but as the young adults they are slowing trying to become. The challenge for us as parents is doing this whilst our teenager continues to display the stereotypical attitudes of the teen years and we all know what they are! Respect breeds respect and we have to be the ones to role model this even if we don’t always get it in return. The Challenge I am proposing that you set yourself this challenge; to only speak respectfully to your teenager regardless of how he / she speaks to you. Perhaps you can start out with trying it for a day at a time and each day wake to remind yourself of this challenge in order for it to become habit. The Process I encourage you to have a chat with your teenager about what has motivated you to want to do this Let them …Read more →

TEENAGERS – HOW TO IMPROVE COMMUNICATION

I attended a parenting session recently and the topic of conversation was teenagers. Many parents expressed concern with the communication they have with their teenagers. It seemed that all of these teenagers were exhibiting the same symptoms! Do these guys actually collaborate with each other?! The common thread seemed to be: Nothing we do seems right to our teens We are losers We know nothing They know everything They appear inherently rude and disrespectful As parents, we are often left reeling: “How can this child be ours?” I thought that we had taught him / her all there is to know about manners and resect? More often than not, the answer to this is, “You did!” So why then has our lovely child turned into this monster? Have we ever stopped to think that how we are continuing to communicate with our teenagers might actually be contributing to the problem? There are undoubtedly many factors that influence their changing attitude, many of which I have discussed in previous blogs. Understanding your Teenager This session was spent collaborating; discussing and looking at the ways we currently deal with and react to our teenagers. We explored alternative ways to interact with and to …Read more →

THE CONTROLLING CHILD

Last week I wrote about behavior and decoding the challenging ones. In this blog I am going to explore the challenges that the controlling child can present. If a child has a tendency towards control and is regularly given the opportunity by their parents to be controlling (unknowingly or because it is easier) the child may end up finding it hard to accept or cope with situations where they have no control or when someone says “no”. The result of which, usually being, that everyone suffers. Very often, chaos reigns, control meets control, tempers flare and it is no fun for anyone. Why do some children become controlling? In many cases, a child exerting control is often doing so because of a lack of confidence or belief in themselves of feeling CAPABLE (one of the 4 C’s of Adlerian Parenting). The goal of their behavior is therefore to prove themselves capable but they go about this in a controlling way which when viewed through their lens can look like this: “I can control the family and I am really good at it. I’ll show you and prove to you that I am capable. What I say or do will go …Read more →

DECODING CHALLENGING BEHAVIOR

Sulking, Moody, Control, Attitude, Addicted to Devices & Phones…… Whenever the subject of challenging behavior comes up, I like to invite parents to take the time to consider two questions and one statement. I feel that the answers to these questions and the subsequent discussions, make solving challenging behaviors much simpler and clearer for parents: 1. What is the purpose of the behavior? 2. Is this behavior working to the advantage of the child? 3. No habit is maintained if it loses its purpose. When babies are born they are totally reliant on their parents. However, relatively quickly they learn the relationship between cause and effect; the most obvious one being – if I cry, Mom appears. Challenging behaviors usually start to ramp up in the toddler years. Patterns of behavior become established and the challenging ones, if not dealt with at this stage, can quickly escalate into bigger one’s as children get older. When you then add “normal” teenage behaviors into the mix, things can get particularly challenging. Children are not born knowing how to behave so as they develop will try out many different “behaviors” to establish which ones work and which ones don’t. It is an experimental …Read more →