It’s Not Our Children Who Need To Be Fixed!

I don't need to be fixed

As my children grow up, develop and change, I believe that I also need to evolve and change the way in which I interact with them and continually re-shape my ways of being in order to meet them where they are at. I don’t believe that it’s my children who need fixing but more my behaviors and the interactions I have with them! The foundation for all meaningful change is after all, self-change.

With that in mind, I’d like to introduce the theme for this month in my Parent Coaching program:

Shaping OUR Behavior

In “The Conscious Parent” written by the amazing Dr Shefali Tsabary she highlights many profound and thought provoking points pertaining to how we can shape our behavior and become more conscious in our parenting practices:

  • Our children are our greatest teachers – if we allow them
  • Our children teach us to become what they need us to be
  • We are raising ourselves to raise our children
  • It is not our children who need “fixed” but more our ways of being and interacting with them
  • Our children are our mirrors, they reflect us… Ever wonder why your children are not always respectful to you?
  • Our children respond to us in the only way they know how
  • They respond to us in a way to meet their needs

It can take a while to come round to, and fully appreciate this way of thinking as it can fly in the face of the more traditional parenting model many of us are used to. Developing a deep understanding of these raw, and sometimes hard to accept truths that underpin this conscious parenting model to help shape parents’ behavior has really helped me. I reap the benefits of doing so every day.

You might read the bullets above and think that parenting from this standpoint means you will stand back and watch your children do whatever they want whenever they want. This could not be further from the truth!

  • What are your initial thoughts regarding the points bulleted above?
  • Do you believe you need to “fix” your children’s behavior? How do you feel about that statement?
  • What do you think underlies your child’s behavior?
  • What you think underlies your behavior?

Children need boundaries and limits. They also need freedom. They need their parents to take the alpha role. They need to know that their parents are the Captain of the ship and steer it with confidence. Sure, there will be times when they might not like it but ultimately they need you to be that parent, the pillar of strength, their compass and their guide, their go to, with them, by their side until they no longer need it.

  • What do you do to ensure that you are Captain of your Parenting Ship?
  • What is it that makes this work for you?
  • What do you consistently set effective boundaries around? Why do you think they work?
  • In what ways do you encourage your children to experience the freedom to explore, be creative and learn?

There are many parenting platforms out there all claiming to be THE ONE that will work for you and I do believe that there are many different parenting approaches that do work. However, I firmly believe that THIS model is what will lay a successful foundation for EVERY parent. I see this Conscious Parenting Platform as almost being a pre-requisite to our every parenting move!


I will be discussing this in more detail in my weekly “Raising Yourself Parenting Tips” that will follow this post. If you are interested, you can sign up HERE.

A conscious parent is aware of and attuned to many things. Coupled with a deep knowledge of their children’s needs, temperament and uniqueness and themselves (knowing whether they are coming from a place ego or essence) they are able to parent in such a way to bring balance to this intricate parenting dance. A conscious parent will find the balance between setting appropriate boundaries and giving enough freedom in order to allow their children to spread their wings, safely steer their ships and learn to navigate all of life’s ups and downs.

I believe that this parenting model and way of being empowers and emboldens children to develop their own navigational skills, find their own compass and tap their own internal strengths in order to become self-reliant, responsible, resilient, resourceful and respectful, courageous, capable and conscientious. A sea of C’s and R’s!

In my work as a Parent Coach, many parents often ask me:

“What can I do to make sure my children are respectful, motivated and resilient?”

My answer is this: To first become a more conscious parent.

I don’t believe that my children need fixed. They are not broken!

I think that if anything needs to be fixed, changed or tweaked, it’s the way I behave and interact with them! When I started seeing things from this perspective, everything changed for the better, namely myself and the relationships and interactions I have with my kids.

If you are interested in learning more, here are a few things to get you started:

  • Read “The Conscious Parent” by Dr Shefali Tsabary – it is brilliant
  • Re-read the bullets above and sit with them for a while
  • Read some of my other blog posts on Conscious Parenting
  • Watch some of Dr Shefali’s videos (warning: she is hypnotizingly eloquent!). This is one of my favorites
  • Sign up to be part of this Conscious Parent Coaching Program – it’s free!
  • Contact me and add your name to my sign up list for the 4 part Conscious Parent Workshop via Live Webinars I will be running later this year. Places will be limited.

Remember, being conscious is a way of being and your new way will take time to evolve. There is no quick fix; if only it were that easy… Start by taking little steps. Just think that by reading this post you are already more conscious than you were 10 minutes ago!

Partnering You


PS. If you live in Dallas, TX, check this event out: Dr Shefali Tsabary will be speaking there soon.

PPS. If you live in California, this SuperSoul Event sounds fantastic where Dr Shefali Tsabary will be a guest speaker.