Deep down I have always known this but sometimes, okay, many times, my actions would not have lead anyone to believe it, least of all myself! This standpoint or perspective however, has been pivotal to me really being able to bring about positive changes in my children’s behavior. It is also a work in progress, as it is only as good as I am at implementing my own change process. Here’s the deal and I truly believe this: If I want my kids to stop being controlling, I have to stop feeding it. My kids can’t control anyone if there is no-one to control. I have to control myself, change my approach and drop the rope so that I don’t get drawn into battle with them If I want my kids to listen without me shouting, then I have to change what I am doing: stop shouting. When I stop shouting and change my approach, they might just change theirs and start to listen If I want my kids to be less defensive, I have to be less defensive with them. I have to control myself and change my approach so that I don’t get hauled into the argument Whatever …Read more →
Category Archives: Blog
How Intentionally Changing My Lens Energizes My Parenting
Just as my youngest child spilled their bowl of Rice Krispies all over the table and the floor someone else yelled: “Mum, one of the cats has thrown up in its bed. It’s disgusting and I am not cleaning it up, it’s gross!” My eldest child then proceeded to go on a rant about the fact that there weren’t any decent snacks for school (true) and just to cap it all, my husband walked into the kitchen apologizing that something had come up in his diary which would have an impact on my day, and not in a good way. Aaaaaarrrrrhhhhhh… In a split second, my nice “rosy” morning took a turn for the worst! Suddenly my lens was not quite a rosy as it had been and I was now seeing things through a dirty, mucky one and I’ll add, angry and frustrated into the “view”. The kids went off to school, I cleaned up the mess, did some shimmying and juggling with my work commitments and sat down to my day job. Nothing was going well, I was in such a bad mood. I couldn’t see straight and I had no clarity as to my direction. As for …Read more →
The Thing I Didn’t Say To My Son That Morning…
I was so tired of nagging, arguing, trying to force my opinion and control on my children. In fact I was exhausted. Noticing this was the wake up call for me. It had been going on for a long time and I really didn’t like it, I didn’t like it at all. It was scary to realize that what I had been doing wasn’t actually contributing positively to the life I had envisioned having with my family. I wanted to be in a place where I was not constantly fighting for control over my kids and their actions. This was the AHA moment for me, my call to action. I realized that the only way I could get out of my rut was to make a change. That brought about even more fear. Change what? Could I really change my kids? Probably not! Could I influence my kids? Yes. But how? Through me. If it was through me, that meant I had to be the one to change. This reminded me of something I had learned on a course about change: The foundation for all meaningful change is self-change. The only thing I could control here was myself because I …Read more →
This Is The Time…
I thought that I would keep this weeks blog short but sweet. Well I think it is sweet and hope you do to! I have shared a poem that my father-in-law wrote and had published for his grandchildren. He wrote a lot of poems and this one is a favorite amongst parents, I think it says it all. Please feel free to share amongst your friends and family. This Is The Time This is the time of the little people Who have come amongst us now. This is the day of the little people Clear of face and brow. This is the time of the little people Growing bigger day by day. This is the place of the little people Soon to have their say. by Patrick John Harrison Clarke (1928 – 2014) Have a wonderful weekend. Partnering you
Behind Every Child who is Confident is a Parent who was Confident First
Where does self-trust or confidence come from? I believe that it comes from many places, some obvious and some less so and this list is just a few that came to my mind while contemplating “confidence” and writing this blog: From our inner compass, our intuition, our inner voice From accepting ourselves as who we are From knowing ourselves and knowing and respecting our boundaries From knowing that our parents have faith and trust in us From trying something new From accomplishments, no matter how small From receiving amplifying feedback on our strengths and what is working From celebrating success From contributing and knowing you have made a difference From being recognized, heard and validated From courage? (Do you think that confidence comes from courage or does courage come from confidence – that’s an interesting one!) From believing in ourselves – where does this belief originate from? Our parents then ourselves, or ourselves and then our parents? From feeling safe, accepted and protected From knowing and having a deep sense of belonging From having secure boundaries From knowing where others stand I also believe that a large part of gaining confidence can come from KNOWING that those who surround you …Read more →
CURIOSITY – THE POWERFUL GUIDE
I would like to introduce you to Meryl who is a Parenting Facilitator who I have the pleasure of occasionally working with. She has written this wonderful piece on Curiosity that I wanted to share with you. I hope you enjoy it! I became an Adlerian Parenting Facilitator after raising my three boys who are now currently in various stages of university and transitioning career choices. I was fortunate to have 21 years of parenting support and learning from my parenting mentor, which positively affected us as individuals and as a family. I have great compassion for all parents, as I understand the joys and challenges you are all going through on a daily basis. Louise suggested I write a blog about parenting and I had great difficulty choosing one topic. However, I decided to write about a parenting skill that I discovered worked well for me and helped me thrive and survive parenthood: curiosity. Adlerians teach the four C’s (Betty Lou Bettner), which Louise regularly makes reference to: Connect Capable Count Courage These are important concepts for our children and ourselves, but I discovered four C’s of my own that helped me through an array of developmental stages and …Read more →
WHAT DOES A CHILD’S BRAIN NEED FOR OPTIMUM GROWTH?
(Images courtesy of Momentous Institute) I find it quite incredible to think that the brain is the only organ we are born with that is not fully developed at birth. Experts believe that the brain is actually only fully developed at sometime in our early 20’s! Scientists also now know that the brain is plastic, which means that regardless of age, we can teach it new tricks. As parents, we have an incredibly important role to play in ensuring that our child’s brain is given the best opportunity to allow it to develop and grow into the best brain it can be, from both a cognitive and social and emotional perspective. According to many experts, in order to really nourish our child’s brain, we need to get back to basics. I like to think of a child’s brain as needing to be exercised, trained and rested very specifically and age appropriately in order for it to grow to it’s maximum potential. These basics almost form the scaffolding for the brain to then hold and integrate the detail gained from the likes of educational programs and all that it will be offered as an adult. Basic brain science The brain is …Read more →
DO YOUR CHILDREN “THRIVE WITH THE FIVE”?
This week I am concluding my parenting book club blog with the 9th and final part to “Parenting Well in a Media Age” by Gloria DeGaetano – Chapter 8: “Toward a Personally-Generated Culture”. We are parenting at a time in history like no other. It goes without saying that the media / industry generated culture has had, and will continue to have, a HUGE influence on us as human beings. As much as we cannot imagine life without it, at the same time, in many ways, it can place an enormous amount of pressure on us. I am sure that when many parents hear or read that “a strong parent-child bond” is an essential need for their children they might feel that it’s almost stating the obvious – of course the bond should be strong. However, in this media age, hard as it is to believe, many children today are not getting this basic need met. The same goes for children having time to be themselves and having time to think, just BE and reflect or even having the time to be bored, #2 of the Vital 5; children having to use their imaginations and having time to play pretend …Read more →
THE NEED FOR CONNECTION AND CONTRIBUTION
Welcome back to the ‘Your Parenting Partner’ blog and a very happy New Year to you all! I hope that 2015 brings you all much happiness and joy. I can’t believe that it has been almost 3 weeks since I posted the sixth blog in the “Parenting Well in a Media Age” book club series based on the wonderful book by Gloria DeGaetano. This week I will be covering Chapter 7, the fifth essential need of the Vital 5: CONTRIBUTION AS RELATIONSHIP. To recap, creating a “Strong Parenting Identity” forms the scaffolding for the Vital 5 essential needs and the first 4 provide the foundation for the fifth. The Vital 5 – Gloria DeGaetano 1. A loving Parent Child Bond 2. An Interior Life 3. Image Making 4. Creative Expression 5. Contribution as Relationship Most of us will have experienced the pleasure and joy that can be derived from contributing towards a greater good, whatever that might be. As parents, we can hugely influence the extent to which our children contribute and this starts first within the family home before progressing to their immediate communities (namely their schools) and then into the community at large. A pre-requisite to contribution is …Read more →
REFLECTIONS
As you are all aware, over the past couple of months I have been writing a blog on Gloria DeGaetano’s excellent book called “Parenting Well in a Media Age”. So far, I have posted 7 blogs covering the introduction and first 6 chapters. There are only two chapters remaining which I am going to cover in the New Year, so please stay tuned! So far, I hope that I (through DeGaetano) have given you some insight into the effects that living in this media / industry generated culture can have on families today. In this inspiring book, the author provides us with a guide and many practical and simple ideas to help us safely navigate these deep, highly influencial, enticing and persuasive waters in order to maintain our identity, parent well and not get swept up, engulfed and left reeling by the tide. Creating a “Strong Parenting Identity” forms the platform for the Vital 5 essential needs as listed below (Gloria DeGaetano): 1. A loving Parent Child Bond 2. An Interior Life 3. Image Making 4. Creative Expression 5. Contribution as Relationship (Coming in January 2015) Time spent with your children during the holiday period will be a wonderful way …Read more →