Category Archives: Transform Your Parenting

Need Some Energy?

My kids are currently on their Spring Break vacation. I work from home and we are all at home for the holiday. From years of Spring Breaks, I also know that by the end of them, if I don’t parent well, fix up my act and get it right, I have been known to morph into some form of deranged beast! Why? I get tired from nagging. Tired from entering into the arguments. And tired from not having done enough for myself and/or had enough time to myself. The 8 words below have become my best friends. They always help preserve my energy, my sanity, allow me to work from home AND enjoy the holidays: Stay Calm In The Heat Of The Moment Think back to a time you had a disagreement with one of your children: What was it over? ………….. Probably something small and not worth the argument! How quickly did you get drawn in? ………………. So fast you were in before you even knew it! How did you feel during the argument? ………………… Probably awful! How did you feel after it? ………………….. Guilty, exhausted and even worse because you acted just like your child and you are …Read more →

The Controlling Child Is Out Of Control

In order to understand the patterns of control, we have to dig a little deeper and understand why they might be there. With the best of intentions, because we all want what is best for our child, we turn to control under the clever disguise of: “my child need’s me to do it”, “this is best for my child”, “this will protect my child”, “this makes it easier for my child”. Control wears many hats… We do it to avoid discomfort for ourselves and for our child and we do it because we fear of what might happen if we don’t. “If I don’t do his laces up for him, we are going to be late…”  “If I don’t do his homework for him, he will never finish it…” “If I don’t force him to practice his piano he will fail his exam…” “If I don’t expose him to lots of new things he will never be successful…” “If I don’t put him into extra Math, he will never get the A. If he doesn’t get the A, he won’t get into a GOOD college…” “If I don’t nag, he will never remember…” And so it goes on. How might …Read more →

The Biggest Obstruction To The Parent Child Relationship? Parental Fear

The theme this month is going to be on unraveling our FEARS and the HUGE role and impact that fear has on our parenting. You might be thinking to yourself: “Fear, what fears, I’m not scared… What is there to be afraid of?” According to Dr Shefali Tsabary the author of The Conscious Parent, Out of Control and The Awakened Family: “The rise of the parental ego is the fundamental obstruction between parents and their children”. She strongly believes that: “Fear is the cornerstone of all our reactive emotions and reactive energy, especially around our loved ones. Even our angry or worried reactions”. It is our fears that drive our inner voice, our ego and it is for much of the time that this voice drives us. Being conscious of this and being willing to be aware of this is THE only way in which to prevent it. Dr Shefali has really helped me understand this and I hope that I can help you. Our inner voice is always with us. However, it is only when we develop an awareness for it (an inner voice/ego radar detector or EgoGPS) for when it is in the driver’s seat, taking us down …Read more →

Honoring and Trusting Enough

I have enough. I am satisfied. I have had enough. I can’t take any more. What is enough? When is enough is enough? How do you know? Enough is a very personal. Enough for one might not be enough for another. And another thing; what a ridiculous sounding word it is. Say it a few times and you might agree: Enough. Enough. Enough. Enough. Eenuff… It’s neither wonder our children find it hard to spell! Who came up with a rule to say that not only does a “ph” sound like an f but a “gh” does too? Enough. Oh to be able to consistently and intuitively know when I have had enough to nurture and nourish yet know when enough is enough in order to set boundaries to protect myself; to be able to recognize within myself when to stop or when to start. That’s heaven enough for me. Whether it be hunger, tolerating noise from my children, having an argument, feeling the rays of sunshine on my skin, sipping a cocktail, hours spent working or asking my child repeatedly to do the same thing over and over, I have to know when I have had enough to stop …Read more →

What All Parents Need To Know About Handling Unacceptable Behavior

For those of you who are signed up to receive my free online Parent Coaching Program, you will know that we have covered three parenting topics this year. January – We looked at ways to become more intentional in our parenting practice February – We focused on the HUGE benefits of Self-Care March – We developed some strategies to help us Shape Our Behavior and become more conscious With April upon us, I’d like to introduce you to the theme for the month and it’s a big one: Decoding And Shaping Our Children’s Behavior  What is behavior? How do you view behavior? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior? Does your approach work? Behavior is a means of communication. How I chose to respond or react to my children’s behavior and shape my resultant behavior will have a big impact on the choices that my children make regarding theirs. Which comes first? Does my child’s behavior trigger my behavior or does my behavior trigger my child’s? Interesting question… Children are not born knowing how to behave. As they develop they will try out many different “behaviors” to establish which ones work and which ones don’t. Their behavior evolves and changes …Read more →

It’s Not Our Children Who Need To Be Fixed!

As my children grow up, develop and change, I believe that I also need to evolve and change the way in which I interact with them and continually re-shape my ways of being in order to meet them where they are at. I don’t believe that it’s my children who need fixing but more my behaviors and the interactions I have with them! The foundation for all meaningful change is after all, self-change. With that in mind, I’d like to introduce the theme for this month in my Parent Coaching program: Shaping OUR Behavior In “The Conscious Parent” written by the amazing Dr Shefali Tsabary she highlights many profound and thought provoking points pertaining to how we can shape our behavior and become more conscious in our parenting practices: Our children are our greatest teachers – if we allow them Our children teach us to become what they need us to be We are raising ourselves to raise our children It is not our children who need “fixed” but more our ways of being and interacting with them Our children are our mirrors, they reflect us… Ever wonder why your children are not always respectful to you? Our children respond …Read more →

How To Keep Your Parenting Behaviors Working Towards Your Parenting Goals

As many of you know, January saw the start to my new Virtual Parent Coaching program. If you missed any of the weekly parenting tips (these are not posted on my blog) and would like to join me and receive them, please sign up HERE. January’s focus was around setting parenting goals for the up and coming year and becoming more intentional in our parenting practice. We finished January with the Raising Yourself Tip Of The Week: Making Sure That Your Parenting Practices Are Moving You Towards Your Goals After the holidays you were most probably pretty motivated and ready to embrace the New Year; a fresh start with new beginnings with you being more focused on you. You might have given up wine for the month, gone to the gym twice a week, started going to bed earlier, started meditating, made a conscious decision to work on something pertaining to your parenting practice. Whatever it was, I’m guessing that you felt PRETTY GOOD. You were energized. I’m curious: What do you think the effect of this was on your parenting practice during January? Did you feel more patient with your kids, have more energy, feel less over-whelmed? Many Moms …Read more →

Raise Yourself For Parenting Success and Make Your Dreams A Reality

Every parent wants to be the best parent. I have yet to meet a parent without the very best of intentions. We all intend to be the best parents we can be. However, over and over again, I see and coach parents who are not very intentional at all! Are you driving your kids everywhere but find yourself being driven by them? And many times driven up the wall and/or insane! Probably not what you intended? Are you tired of other people running your life? Do you want to be in the drivers seat and drive your own life? Do you want to become more intentional as a Parent? If so, here’s the plan. It works for me so I’m hoping that it will work for you too. At this time of the year many of the goals we might have set start to take a back seat, which is why I like to schedule about an hour of time, mid January, to put together a plan to form the foundation for my parenting practice for the year. I find that this hour really helps to set me up for success. It’s only an hour. I know – it’s so …Read more →

The Best New Year Resolution You Can Do For Your Kids

Firstly, I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a Happy New Year. I hope that it is one filled with connection, love, laughter and luck. However, I want it to be filled with more than that. Are you tired of drifting along with no real direction to your parenting? Always feel tired, busy and overwhelmed? This is a longer blog post than usual for me but if you want to make some significant changes to your parenting then hang in here. You won’t regret it. This is the best thing that you will ever give your kids. Over the course of this year, I would like to coach you through the parenting challenges that you will undoubtedly face. Some of these challenges may be repeat ones and some of them will be new as your children move into different phases of their lives. I want to spend this year with you. Side by side. Holding you accountable. Asking you questions and being the reminder you need to help you stay on track as you navigate the twists and turns and the ups and downs that come with being a parent. Through my blogs, emails, workshops and …Read more →

Shaping Our Parenting Behavior?

Some of you may have seen the image below before? I love it. Talk about “if a picture paints a thousand words”! It’s by Kelly Bartlett. I think that it offers parents a perfect lens for looking at and helping us understand our children’s behavior. We only see such a little piece of what is really going on and this visual helps remind me that the roots for most of our behaviors are found deep below the surface. However, they influence the small visible part of us in the most profound of ways. This got me thinking and I started to look at my own behavior through this lens. Hence I crafted a new picture to capture the essence of this perspective. My behavior as a parent is also like an iceberg. My children only see a very small part of me. A fraction of what is really going on deep inside me. I might be tired, hungry, mad, overwhelmed, dissatisfied and insecure about something. But my kids don’t know that. They come into the house after school and my youngest runs up to greet me… the me with all of this going on below. With my unmet needs, feelings …Read more →